In a scowly, sour mood
What's wrong with me? Brace yourself for a mother being human for a moment.
Why I can't be like other mothers that seem to have unlimited patience and love for their children? I seriously think there is something missing inside me in this department. I feel like I quite possibly have ZERO patience inside me. None. For any and all situations. I love my children, but when they are being very difficult, I feel like I could just walk out. I *want* to just walk out. I don't want to deal with them anymore. I don't want to be near them at all.
At lunch today I nearly flipped my lid. The boy was eating well but whining like there was no tomorrow about stupid things. He has been acting to helpless and infantile lately that he's just been riding my last nerve. A wasn't eating well, instead she was just throwing all her food on the floor for the puppy to eat. O was screaming for some unknown reason. I bet she doesn't feel well, she had a fever last night but it hasn't come back so maybe it was random. Everyone was screaming/whining at me for some reason or another and I just want to crawl under a rock and disappear. Or better yet, I'd like to go climb in the bath tub and pretend that I don't have any children at all for an hour.
There are some moms that I really envy. They unconditionally love their children, even when they are so bad, they could spit! These enviable moms also have really creative ideas for getting their kids to do what they want in a fun way so that they never have to raise their voices or threaten to spank their children. I want to be creative and get my kids to do what I want without the threats and without yelling at them. I'm trapped in yelling at them all the time.
O bites. O pushes. O hits. O screams. O doesn't listen and my mother just eye-balls me like it is all my fault. I'm at a total loss of what to do when she acts like this. Time outs don't work. Yelling at her doesn't work and I really don't want to hit her.
I'm helpless, powerless, unappreciated and no one listens to me!!!! I'm here screaming and no one can hear me. No one helps. Everyone just criticizes me. I know I'm doing this wrong. I know I'm not perfect but I want to be better. I just don't know how. I'm overwhelmed by everything that doesn't work and I'm not creative enough to find something that does.
I love my kids and I like being a stay at home mom. I just wish it wasn't so hard. I wish I had the skills to deal with this with some grace. I want to be a good mom but I feel like I'm failing miserably. I don't want to accept that but I don't know what else to do.
::big sigh::
5 comments:
You are not alone I am eye balling the same rock, I want to run away down that same road, or even better I wish I could put my kiddos in stasis for a while or at least pause them for an hour or two or.... I yell too. I hate that I yell. I feel like a bad mom at times (many times as well) I sometimes feel trapped by my own spawn. They sometimes feel like little zombies grabbing and screaming at me.... I understand how you are feeling I am there with you. I don't know how those other moms do it. But then we do not see their whole lives. We do not see what demons they struggle with .
I will tell you what has helped me and taken the edge off of the constant build-up of that mental pressure. I started going to a chiropractor. It has helped me so much.
Anna
Thanks a lot Anna, it truly helps to know I'm not alone.
This is really the hardest job ever.
OMGosh Sweetie I am the same way, Noah won't listen to me at all unless I yell it is that bad. I hate feeling like this, I hate that my neighbors give me dirty looks when I am outside, because I know they can hear me yelling all.day.long. I don't know what to do either. I just keep telling myself that it is only for a little while they will be big one day and I will wish they were small again. :bighug: I think I might try the chiro idea that Anna suggested, I actually carry a lot of my anxiety in my back/chest so this might help.
Sarah,
You're not failing. Mothers are heroes. Motherhood is fucking hard.
Peace,
A
since i have never been a mother, i can't relate.. but it is so terrifying to me to raise and be responsible for another human being that i am just awed by the mothers who do it. its seriously hard work. there was something i read once that if a SAHM were to get paid for ALL that they do and the hours that they do it would be to the tune of $250,000 or something like that!!
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